I cannot tell you how many times I have discussed this moment in therapy sessions with clients, but it’s a lot. My family was moving back from Los Angeles to Vancouver over three days. We drove a LOT. This photo was taken upon arriving at our final hotel before landing back in Vancouver after a year away. This is Cora at age three. She was done. I tried to coax her into the hotel (and hopefully our hotel room) before completely melting down, but she was having none of it.
Cora made it out of the van and directly onto the concrete parking lot, LOSING her mind. What were my options? I could yell at her to get up (which had no chance of working), pick her up kicking and screaming, or I could join her.
Cora felt solidarity and I got to act in a way that would not have been culturally acceptable had I not been with a child. I talk with clients every day about the expectations of all our various social roles. What are the social expectations of a child, adolescent, adult, elderly adult, a white, black, Asian person, a yoga student, therapist, yoga teacher, construction worker, teacher, lawyer, someone of low, middle or high SES? How would we judge a man for sitting down in the aisles of a grocery store and sobbing upon experiencing a highly emotional memory of his mother who passed two years ago? Would we judge a mother who lost a child in the same way? Why/why not? My daughter once napped in a power yoga class we went to together. Would you? Why/why not?
Laying down on the concrete parking lot was liberating. If I was alone, somebody would nave thought I was crazy. Maybe even called the police. Because I was with a 3-YO, perhaps someone might have judged me as a bad mom, but quite possibly not, and maybe even seen me as a good mom because the moment I laid down, Cora stopped wailing. It makes me wonder for both myself and all my clients: what social norms and expectations are we operating within? Once we make those expectations conscious, would we choose to hold onto any? Which ones? Are there any we want to stand up to and make different choices about?
