I learned an epic lesson from my 99-year old grandma, Omi, last weekend. Many people ask her (and I) the secret to her living to 99-years old, and not just hanging on, but a driving, living independently in her home kind of living. I am guessing there are a number of factors, but I am sure the following is one of them.
I brought my 20-YO son Trey, who lives with a rare and progressive disease (MPS II), over to Omi’s place for lunch. Trey has had a rough 6-months. He went from stable for 13-years because of a clinical trial drug, to requiring a high-risk surgery and the drug saving his life being taken away, due to a port infection. Omi is 99-years old. These pieces of information factored into the intensity (although perhaps not fully recognized at the time) of my hopes for a wonderful lunch.
The lunch did not go well. Trey was in pain, did not want to wear his brace from the surgery, and wanted to go home the whole time. I tried a number of different things to coax him to sit with us and have lunch, but he refused, standing at my van door for most of the time. I was sad and angry and watched my mind cycle, eventually just landing at ‘this SUCKS,’ and complete sadness.
As I was getting into the van in tears to leave, Omi came to the van window and said something along the lines of: “Debs, there is nothing we can do. He is not throwing or hitting, he just doesn’t want to be here. That is okay.” And then proceeded to be warm and loving with Trey, say goodbye, and tell us she loves us both. She had made lunch which none of us ate, Trey hadn’t been to her house in months, her afternoon also did not go as planned, and this was her response.
Omi has been through World War II, a brother dying when she was a child, immigrating to Canada, two husbands passing, and a whole bunch of other life stuff. I am sure this has something to do with her acceptance. She found it a lot sooner than I did. As well as peace. My learning: stay open. Stop resisting. Adapt. Accept. Peace. Thanks, Omi. I’ll never forget it
