Listen to understand: This is so much easier said than done. Hurt, fear, resentment, exhaustion (to name a few) get in the way of our capacity to listen in order to understand the person we are in relationship with. Especially when the person speaking is also defensive or not making their request warmly. When someone says, ‘you never put out a dinner plate for me’ or ‘you always come home from work late’ or ‘why don’t you ever close the dog gate?’- what are they saying yes to? What are they asking for?
As long as your friend, sibling, partner, child are talking to you, they are asking for connection. What are they asking for? Can we drop below the not so kind language and tone and respond to their request? Respond to the person we care about?
None of us are friendly all the time. We all get tired, stressed, grumpy. The more we can respond warmly when others are grumpy, the more we can stay connected. And then maybe our people can do that for us when we respond less than awesomely too.
